


Silence

by Stilienski



Series: Sterek ficlets [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I hurt myself writing this, I'm so sorry, M/M, One Shot, SO SAD, Sad, i can't even describe how sad, i don't even know where this came from, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 12:52:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1305526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stilienski/pseuds/Stilienski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fox, the demon inside of him is making Stiles hurt the ones he loves. He's making him hurt Derek... Stiles has to stop it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this work belongs to this "series" too....

**_“Hurt him. Hurt him bad, use the wolfsbane.”_ **

  
“No!”

  
**_“Yes, Stiles, soak the blade with wolfsbane.”_**

  
“Why are you doing this to me?”

  
_**“I’m not doing this to you, we’re doing it together, and we’re doing it to everyone.”**_

  
“ ‘We’ are not doing anything… I won’t do anything!”

  
_**“You will Stiles… see, I can control you, but I don’t want to do that for this.”** _ He saw his own hand being raised while he desperately willed it to stay by his side.  _“ **Now, hurt him, do as I say or I’ll do way worse. I can kill him, easily… I can kill him, make him suffer and I’ll make sure you can have a great show, Stiles.”**_

  
“No! No, please don’t!” He begged, he always seemed to beg these days.

  
_**“Then follow my orders! Soak the blade in the wolfsbane, now!”** _ he did… he took the dagger and put it in the solution of wolfsbane. He didn’t remember preparing that solution… he didn’t remember a lot these days. But the things he did remember… he just wished he could forget. A single tear slipped down his cheek as he pulled the dagger out of the liquid again, smelling the sweet scent of the purple flower that meant so much in this town and could hurt so many good people, people Stiles loved.

That’s the last thing he remembers, he remembers being in a cellar and soaking the blade in that sweet scented solution. Now he feels himself holding the blade, he feels himself running towards someone. Derek… he remembers the threat, he remembers the conditions. And he stops. He’s standing right in front of the werewolf, looking straight into his reddened eyes. Eyes that are searching for something in his own, searching for _him_ … but Derek won’t find _him_ now… This is really Stiles… this is Stiles standing in front of him with a dagger. This is Stiles seconds away from slicing into his flesh. And Derek just looks so _disappointed_ , _so betrayed_ …

He brings his hand up and watches as Derek just stands there, not planning on fighting back… why wouldn’t he fight back? _Please fight… at least defend yourself!_

A first slice in his shoulder. A second cut in his cheek. A third rip into the side of his chest. And every time the blade touches Derek, he hears his howls. He’s causing him so much pain, agony because of the wolfsbane… he wounded him… all the time staring desperately in the red eyes. Seeing the pain he causes, and _that’s it! That’s enough!_

**_“More, Stiles! I want him begging you to stop! I want him on the verge of giving up! His body almost giving out! I want him down in a pool of his own blood, Stiles, MORE!”_ **

  
“No! Please no! I hurt him, I did what you asked!”

  
**_“You didn’t, it’s not enough, Stiles! Well that’s your choice then… I really hoped I didn’t have to do this, Stiles, but you leave me no choice…”_** His hand holding the dagger is rising again, ready to cause more pain, to inflict more injuries and this time it’s not him. Stiles sees it happening, feels his body doing it, but he can’t stop it. The blade is sinking into Derek again, deep into his lower abdomen this time. And again. And Again. And…

His hand is still raised, still holding the dagger in position for another stab, but it doesn’t lower this time. He stopped it. He has control. It’s finally quiet in his head, there’s finally peace. But he knows it won’t last long. _He_ is still there somewhere, pushing on the edges of his consciousness, trying to break in again. Stiles won’t have control for long. He won’t be alone in his head for much longer and he needs to do something now.

“I’m sorry.” It had been a long time since he’d moved his own lips and he couldn’t help but think that he’d rather have them move against the ones he saw on the werewolf laying on the ground in front of him.

  
“Sorry, Derek, Mate, I’m sorry… I love you… I’m so sorry.” He knew Derek couldn’t say it back, he knew he didn’t deserve to hear it anyway. But he knew something more important as well… Derek wouldn’t fight, his mate wouldn’t hurt him, let alone kill him. But that was what needed to be done. He needed to be killed. He was a _monster_. He should be killed. So he did.

“I love you, _Sourwolf_.” And then, right before the real monster, the demon, the fox, the trickster could break into his head again, he took the dagger and turned it to himself. He cried as he saw Derek lay there, wounded and too weakened to stop him. And that was his fault, _his own goddamn fault_. That was all the motivation Stiles needed, if he still needed any. He plunged the dagger into his own torso, low enough to not hit any ribs so he could cause some real damage. Ribs would only break, but organs could be pierced and ripped to shreds, never to be repaired again. And that’s exactly what he felt. He felt the dagger, soaked in his Mate’s blood, enter his own flesh, not stopping till the heft of the blade touched the skin around the wound. He twisted it, turned it and tried to rip it through his own flesh to the side. Causing a fatal injury, just like he was supposed to. He didn’t cry for his own life, his life hadn’t been anything. Not till he met Derek, his Mate, his Sourwolf. He cried for not being able to end it earlier. He cried for all the pain he’d caused the ones he loved.

He put Isaac in the hospital, he almost killed his own father, he hurt every single one of his friends. If he didn’t hurt them physically, then he did it emotionally. It was time someone finally hurt him, someone finally stopped him. And at least this was something he could be a little proud of, he knew it was way too late, but at least, in the end, he was finally able to stop himself.

**_“Nooo! What did you do?! We could have lived forever in this body! We could have caused disasters together!”_ **

  
“Not anymore. I’d suggest you’d lower your expectations and goals you set for your life, because it’s about to end, buddy.”

  
_“ **The power we could have had! You just gave it all up!”**_

  
“With great power comes great responsibility!” he was glad he could at least still make his voice sing-song in his head. He was glad his ultimate defence of cynicism and sarcasm could still work in his mind. He was weakening, he was dying. But so was the demon inside of him. In a matter of minutes he’d be unconscious, and a few minutes after that, he’d lose all chances of waking up, ever. But the trickster, he was gone already. He was alone again, Stiles was glad he could at least have a few last minutes in peace in his own head. He could finally think about things he wanted to think about. He could finally control his body and mind again. And he made great use of that.

_“Derek! What are you doing? Put me down!” he giggled like a girl as Derek picked him up and spun him around._

  
_“Just happy to see you. I’ve been worried sick about you. No more trips to Vegas without me.” His mate said as he put him down again but hugged him tight against his chest._

  
_“I know… no more trips without you.” Stiles promised and then closed his eyes, just happy to be back with the guy he loved, with the guy he wanted to spend the rest of his life with._

  
_“So, I know your dad is still working and he won’t be back for at least… the time it would take to fuck you into the mattress and make you feel every single inch of my knot. So, what do you say?” Stiles just nodded as he took in the smirk on Derek’s face and the glimmer in his eyes that Derek somehow only had when he looked at him. God, he’d missed his Mate!_

He smiled at the memory as he felt the blood trickle out of him still. He searched for another memory, another happy place to go back to.

_“What the hell?! What’s going on?” Derek barged in on him and Scott being in a rather… awkward situation. Scott was licking his torso now, previously having licked his arm and his cheek._

  
_“Derek, it’s not like that! You don’t understa-“ He started as he pushed Scott off of him._

  
_“Oh, I think I understand perfectly well, Stiles! And to think I wanted to **bond** with you!” Derek spit the words out as if they were venom. And to be honest, they felt and hurt like venom too._

  
_“Derek, listen to me! Please just listen!” But he didn’t, Derek was already out of the room, and with his goddamn supernatural speed he was probably already out of the house as well. Scott went after him though. He heard them talking on the driveway, he heard it through his opened window._

_“Derek! The twins got to him! They wanted to hurt you by hurting him! I was responsible for Stiles, you made that very clear! I was supposed to make sure nothing happened at school, but I couldn’t stop them! Stiles was wounded, so I took him home and followed my instincts. I **healed** him, Derek!”_

  
_“What? He was hurt? You let him get hurt?” Stiles looked out of his window and could clearly see the claws coming out as his boyfriend growled at his best friend._

  
_“Oh my **god**!” Stiles let out, obviously irritated._

  
_“Derek, get your ass back up here! Leave Scott alone, I’m fine.” In seconds Derek was standing back in his room, his scowl from earlier having made place for a worried look._

_“They hurt you? I’m so sorry, Stiles…”_

_“It’s fine… Scott licke- healed me… what’s that about anyway? Since when does werewolf spit has magic healing powers?”_

_“It doesn’t… only for other werewolves, we can only heal other members of our pack…”_

_“Oh my god! Did you bite me? Did you bite me without me noticing it? Derek, when I say ‘bite me’ I don’t actually mean ‘bite me’!” the panic in his voice was very clear, he loved Derek, but he had made it crystal clear before that he was not going to let him change him._

_“I did not bite you! If I bit you, you’d know! I think… I think it’s because you’re my Mate…”_

_“Your Mate? Like wolf-mate? Like not just puppy-love but bond-for-life Mate?” He was slightly freaking out, although he would never admit that to anyone. Well, who wouldn’t be slightly freaked out when they found out they met the love of their life and could never ever be with anyone else, while he was still just only 17…_

_“Well… it’s not yet a bond-for-life… the bonding itself still has to happen…” Derek blushed before he went on, he rarely blushed, but Stiles thought it suited him._ _"I was actually… I was going to explain you all this during the weekend and then… I wanted to ask you if you wanted to… would you want to bond with me, Stiles? Would you want to be with me forever? Because I know I really want to….” It was the first time he didn’t make fun of Derek being awkward. It was probably also the first and last time Stiles squealed like a girl (oh, who was he kidding? There were a lot of squeals before this moment and there were still a lot to follow)._

_“Yes! Yes, Derek… I’d really… yes.” It was also the first time that Stiles Stilinski was lost for words or a witty remark._

His smile grew bigger, that must be his favourite memory of him and his mate. The day Derek asked him to bond with him.

“Stiles! Stiles, what did you do?!” _that was not a memory…_ “Stiles! Say something!” He felt hands tap his cheeks, opening his eyes he saw his Mate hanging over him, looking desperate and weak. All Stiles could think about was that Derek needed to rest and allow his body to heal the cuts, but he was to selfish in his last moments to actually say that to his Mate.

  
“Sourwolf…” He breathed out as he smiled at Derek’s beautiful face, the gash in his cheek being a horrible addition to the otherwise perfect skin.

“I’m here, yeah, I’m here, Stiles… don’t go… you can’t go! You can’t leave me behind! Please don’t leave me…” He felt Derek’s tears add to his own on his cheeks and he liked it. Someone should make a photo of that, of their tears submerging into one. Because that would be the perfect description of their relationship, of their bond. They were one. And because they were one, Derek knew that for once, Stiles wasn’t going to do what Derek asked him, _pleaded_ him to do. Derek knew that there was no point in trying anymore… Stiles couldn’t stay… Stiles couldn’t stay alive, stay with him, no matter how much he wanted to.

“I’m sorry… for everything… but I stopped it.” Stiles stated as he kept smiling at the guy of his dreams. Derek Hale never cried. Not since he lost his family in the fire. But now he couldn’t stop it anymore. There was no point in begging his Mate anymore… there was no point in trying to heal him… all he could do was take some of his pain away.

“Yeah you did, Stiles… you stopped him. I’m so proud of you… I love you so much.”

“I’m sorry… too late, I’m sorry…” Stiles couldn’t do anything but apologize although he knew that it wouldn’t be enough.

“Don’t… I’ll heal, I know that it wasn’t you… I don’t blame you, Stiles, so stop apologizing… _I’m sorry_. I should have stopped him before he got to you. I should have protected you, I swore to protect you as my Mate and I failed you…”

“You didn’t… I love you… love you, love you, love you….” He wanted to repeat those words over and over and over again. Keep saying them till his throat was sore and his voice was hoarse. But he didn’t have the time to do that anymore.

“Kiss me… please…” If he was going to die, he wanted to feel the lips he’d missed for so long just one more time. And he did. He felt the soft lips land on his in a firm and possessive way, like they always did. It was just… the kiss was wetter than ever. Both their tears pooling between their cheeks as they shared their last kiss. Derek didn’t let it end. Even when Stiles had stopped kissing back, he didn’t let his lips leave the pair they fit so well with. He didn’t let them part till he heard the final beat. The final short _thu-dum_ of the heart he’d been welcomed in and loved by for the last 11 months. The heart he’d failed to protect, the heart of his Mate, his Stiles…

After that last heartbeat he couldn’t keep the two pairs of lips connected, because he had to let it out. Let out the pain that his own heart sent through his veins by every _lonely_ beat. Never before had he ever howled in such pain and never before had his howls been left unanswered. This time there was no worried Stiles demanding to tell him what was wrong. This time there was no Mate to tell him it was going to be okay. This time there were no lips on his own to suffocate the painful howl. This time he was alone.

Derek remembered Victoria Argent saying to Scott that there was no sound more pathetic than the cry of an Omega, a lone wolf. She was proven wrong. The most pathetic sound was the howl of a lone Alpha. The saddest sound was the cry of a wolf who lost his Mate. The most painful sound however, wasn’t a cry or a howl not even a growl. It was the silence afterwards, the silence that was filled with the lack of reassurance, or worry, or kisses from his mate.

Derek didn’t know how long he could keep his own heart beating in a life filled with that horribly painful silence.

**Author's Note:**

> It's the first time I've written a one shot and it's the first time I've written anything about Teen Wolf...  
> Please let me know what you think in the comments! Definitely let me know what you think if you don't think it's that good, and say how I could improve it, please! :)  
> Kudos are so welcome! You seriously have no idea how welcome they are here! :D  
> I hope you enjoyed it and that I didn't waste your time if you read it! :)  
> xx


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